Category: Parents Zone

Delaying Tactics for Cultivating Children’s Patience

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist, New Horizons Development Centre

Hong Kong is a society abundant in material wealth, but due to the overabundance of resources, when children have needs in life, parents quickly provide them with ample supply, allowing them continuous satisfaction. However, parents satisfying their children’s needs too quickly can have a negative impact on them, failing to cultivate their ability to endure, and over time, their patience may become limited.

Utilizing Emotional Intelligence to Cultivate Children’s Patience

Delaying gratification or the fulfillment of life’s needs is an important part of developing emotional intelligence (EQ). If parents are accustomed to quickly satisfying their children’s needs but then complain about their lack of patience, such criticism is unfair to the children, as their patience has simply not been nurtured.

How can one delay the fulfillment of children’s needs? To train children’s emotional intelligence, the secret is “neither using the cane nor the carrot,” meaning that neither corporal punishment nor frequent rewards are necessary. Instead, patience and the ability to wait are cultivated through daily life experiences. Parents can try the following examples:

Example 1: When parents and children go to a dim sum restaurant, there is no need to let the children eat whatever they like immediately. Parents can ask the children to wait for 5 minutes after finishing one basket of dim sum before eating a second type; or they can require the children to wait until the parents have eaten a portion before they can eat. In this way, parents and children take turns eating the dim sum.

Example 2: When children ask their parents to buy toys, parents do not need to purchase them immediately. They can explain to the child to wait a few hours, days, or a week before buying, asking the children to wait patiently.

Example 3: When children return home from the street, do not let them turn on the TV immediately as they please. They must be asked to put away their shoes and socks, drink a glass of water, and sit on the sofa for 3 minutes before they can turn on the TV.

Example 4: When children go out with their parents, do not let them rush to press the elevator button immediately. Parents can ask them to wait for the parents to go out together, walk to the elevator together, and then press the button.

Parents Must Be Consistent and Credible to Train Children’s Intelligence

These are just a few examples. Parents must make good use of the “dragging tactic” in life’s details. Using the dragging tactic does not mean denying or refusing the children’s needs, but rather not satisfying them immediately. What parents need to pay attention to is that when using these tactics, they must follow through with what they say. No matter if the children act spoiled, throw a tantrum, cry, or scream, parents must stick to the principle of “dragging”; additionally, parents must also be credible and do what they have promised the children.

Furthermore, when children make requests, parents can ask the children to explain their reasons, which not only trains their emotional intelligence (EQ) but also their intelligence (IQ). By putting a little more effort into the details of children’s lives, parents can effectively help train their children’s emotional intelligence. Parents might as well give it a try!

Powered-by-PD
Back

Parental education, willing to learn and dare to do

Written by: Dr. Chi-Yuen TIK, Chief Executive, The Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

In the journey of parental education, I love to listen to parents share their experiences and reflections on disciplining their children. Exchanging and encouraging each other is the most comprehensive content of parenting education. There is no place in the world that requires parents to pass an exam before they can have children. Everyone is learning as they go, realizing things later on, and gradually becoming “experienced” parents. Children have expectations of you, society has demands on you, and parents themselves cannot afford to be lazy, so they actively learn theories and techniques for disciplining their children.

I remember a father sharing how he dealt with his son’s request to buy sneakers when the son was in the eighth grade. He told his son he would give him four hundred dollars. Naturally, the son felt it was not enough, but the father told him that four hundred dollars could buy a pair of sneakers, and if it wasn’t enough, the son would have to figure it out himself. In the end, the son bought the sneakers he wanted, but the price was saving his breakfast and lunch money to make the purchase. He said although his son was happy with the new sneakers, he also experienced days of hunger, and in the future, he would think carefully before making a purchase. The father expressed that it was tough for him to see his son go through this, but he thought it was important for his son to understand the principle of living within one’s means, even if it meant letting his son experience it firsthand.

During a lecture on how to cultivate self-care abilities in young children, a mother of a K3 student shared that her son always relied on her to pack up his homework. Over time, her son’s dependence on her increased. After much reflection, the mother decided to apply what she had learned from parenting seminars. She told her son that he needed to take care of his own things and that she would no longer pack his school bag for him. She was also mentally prepared for her son to be reprimanded by the teacher for not handing in his homework. As expected, to avoid further scolding from the teacher, the son started to pack his school bag by himself every day. Although he may not yet fully understand the importance of taking responsibility for his own affairs, he has begun to take his own matters seriously and no longer relies on his mother’s “help.” The mother also stopped providing unconstructive help and care for her son.

After all, classroom learning is enjoyable, but practical application can be painfully insightful, with a mix of joys and challenges. While applying parenting techniques, it is also a challenge to the parents’ personal values and life experiences. Parents also need to have a balanced mindset and self-awareness. This is precisely the purpose of parenting education.

 

Powered-by-PD
Back
Categories
Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone

Everyday life is full of eye use. Adults and children do eye exercises together.

Source : Chinese Medicine Practitioner, Chiu Shi Cheung

Many children today spend a lot of time looking at computers, phones, or reading, which can strain their eyes. There are some acupoint massages that can help children relieve eye strain.

The first acupoint we’ll introduce is the “Zan Chuk” point. It’s located at the very front end of the eyebrows, about half an inch downward, at the corner of the eye socket. Another acupoint is called the “Jing Ming” point. It’s located at the side of the nasal bridge, right in the middle between the two eyes, near the inner edge of each eye. The third point is the “Si Pak” point, which is about 1 inch below the eyes, roughly the width of two fingers apart. It’s in front of the cheekbone, and when you touch it, there should be a slight depression just below the eyes; this is the “Si Pak” point. The last acupoint is the “Shi Chuk Hung” point, located at the very end of the eyebrow. All four of these points can help with dispersing wind, clearing heat, and improving vision.

Once we know the locations of these acupoints, how do we massage the eye area?

First, let’s start with the first point, the “Zan Chuk” point. You’ll use your four fingers to hold down the eyebrows, and then use your thumb to press on the “Zan Chuk” point. The “Zan Chuk” point is right at the very front end of the eyebrows, in the depression at the corner of the eye socket. Hold it with your four fingers and your thumb, and gently rotate 64 times in opposite directions.

The second acupoint is called “Jing Ming” Point, located in the area in front of the inner corner of the eye, between the eyebrow and the bridge of the nose. We use two fingers to gently pinch the bridge of the nose and then slowly massage it up and down, repeating this motion 64 times.

The third acupoint is called “Si Pak” Point. It is located on the inner edge of the cheekbone on our face. In fact, when you touch it, you’ll feel a slight depression. Using two fingers, place them on either side of the bridge of the nose, and you will be able to locate this point. Gently press inside, and you will feel a slight soreness. After locating it, you can also rotate the pressure 64 times.

The fourth acupoint is Shi Chuk Hung Point. To locate it, use your thumbs to first press on both sides of the temples. Then, starting from the Shi Chuk Hung Point, sweep upward to the Shi Chuk Hung Point again, and then continue downward, below the eyes, to the Shi Chuk Hung Point. This constitutes one cycle, and repeat this motion 64 times.

By massaging these four acupoints, you can not only relieve eye fatigue but also improve the blood circulation around the eyes and prevent eye conditions such as nearsightedness. When we do eye exercises, remember to keep our eyes closed throughout the entire process. After completing the eye exercises, it’s also important to keep your eyes closed for 2 to 5 minutes. We typically press each acupoint for 64 times. Why 64 times? It’s because, from the perspective of Traditional Chinese Medicine “eighty-eight sixty-four“, we call it the “first of eight eights” meaning the most important.

Powered-by-PD
Back

Don’t treat books as miracle cure

Parent-child reading senior worker: Choi EE

Do parents face many issues when it comes to shared reading? One common issue I often share with parents is that when their children encounter problems like bedwetting or fear of the dark, they often ask me, ‘Is there a book that can help them solve this problem?’ In the context of shared reading, we purposefully use a book to influence the child, hoping it will eliminate their fears, stop bedwetting, or improve their performance. In reality, this goal can create more pressure on the child.

Think about it; if a child frequently feels fear and is apprehensive about new environments, the stories in books are meant to help them relax and reassure them that they are not alone in feeling fear. Many friends feel the same way. But how do we address this issue? Instead of seeking a specific book to help the child, we should focus on addressing the child’s psychological or physiological issues.

If a child has many inner fears or psychological issues, we should address the psychological problems first. For example, if a mom from my reading group tells me that her child occasionally wets the bed at night, we should try to understand the reasons behind it. Is it because the child forgot to go to the bathroom? Or did they drink too much water before bed? If it continues, I believe it’s important to consult a doctor rather than relying on a book to solve the issue.

We need to return to the process of parent-child shared reading. In parent-child shared reading, what we need is for parents to sincerely tell stories to their children and allow them to relax. Through the story’s plot, children can express their inner thoughts to us: ‘I’m similar to the characters in the story, I get scared too, but I also think about how to solve it.’ Instead of turning a book into a miracle cure.

Powered-by-PD
Back

What is interactive reading? What are the techniques and steps for engaging in interactive reading with children?

Source: Educational psychologists, Shum Ka Man and Tang Wai Yan

Interactive reading is when parents and children engage in reading through conversation. The main difference between interactive reading and traditional reading aloud lies in the fact that traditional reading aloud often involves parents telling stories to children or, in some cases, parents’ intention to teach children to recognize words, focusing primarily on word recognition. However, the advantage of interactive reading is not just about word recognition; it aims to foster a positive parent-child relationship and help children express themselves through conversation.

In interactive reading, children take on an active role, where they can ask questions and guide the conversation through these questions and answers, thereby enhancing their reading comprehension skills. When parents engage in interactive reading with children, they should consider what questions to ask and what steps to follow. There are various ways for parents to ask questions, and we teach them a prompting framework that includes five different question types, abbreviated as ‘CROWD.’

C stands for Completion, where questions can be posed in a fill-in-the-blank manner. R represents Recall, encouraging children to remember what happened earlier in the story. O denotes Open-ended questions, allowing children to speculate about what might happen next. W represents Wh questions, covering the six Ws: who, what, when, where, why, and how. Finally, D stands for Distancing questions, which prompt children to relate the story to their own life experiences, asking how the story connects to their daily lives.

Interactive reading also follows a framework called ‘PEER.’

The first step is ‘Prompt,’ which refers to the types of questions asked. The second step is ‘Evaluate,’ where after asking questions, you can provide responses to the child. ‘Evaluate’ involves giving positive encouragement to the child, such as praising them when they answer correctly, saying, ‘You did a great job; you listened very attentively.’ If they answer incorrectly, it’s still important to encourage them, saying, ‘You tried very hard!’ and then attempt to find the answer together in the book.

Next is ‘Expand’ (E), which means expanding on what the child says. If a child’s response is brief, you can add adjectives or other details to make the sentence richer. Finally, there’s ‘Repeat’ (R), where after listening to the story, the child repeats the story, which can help improve their oral language skills.

Powered-by-PD
Back

Enhancing Resistance through Lifestyle Habits

Written by: Registered Public Health Nutritionist (UK) and Nutritionist, Ng Pui Yu

In my online community, parents often ask, “What should children with sensitive airways/frequent colds eat to strengthen their immunity?”

When children are sick, it’s not only hard for them but also for parents who care for them day and night. There are many viruses that can cause colds, and since young children haven’t been exposed to them before, they haven’t developed the necessary antibodies, making them more susceptible to illness. It’s normal for young children to have 6 to 8 or even more colds in a year. Additionally, immune health is related to conditions like nasal sensitivity, airway sensitivity, and eczema.

Of course, if lifestyle habits can be improved to enhance immunity, recovery from illness can be faster.

Daily Exercise for a Strong Physique

Today’s children lead busy lives, attending school, extracurricular activities, and tutoring classes daily. Moreover, most parents work full-time, limiting the opportunities for their children to engage in physical activity. Besides paying attention to a child’s diet, it is crucial for parents to schedule 30 to 60 minutes of exercise for their children each day. Even activities like running, climbing, playing on slides, and swinging in the park are sufficient. Developing a habit of regular exercise should start from a young age. The author’s child, during the school years, has already begun the practice of going to the park 1 to 2 times a day, adapting to indoor playrooms on extremely hot or rainy days.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise for Good Health

According to a study by the Chinese University of Hong Kong, many children face the issue of insufficient sleep. They may be reluctant to go to bed due to busy homework schedules, waiting for parents to return home from work, and various other reasons. Some children may stay awake until 11 pm or even later. If this is the case, it becomes more likely for them to fall ill, experience poor concentration, and exhibit inadequate emotional control. Therefore, the author’s child typically goes to bed around 9:30 pm. If possible, an even earlier bedtime is recommended!

Powered-by-PD
Back

How to handle the awkwardness when grown-up children find it awkward to have heart-to-heart talks with their parents?

As children grow up, many parents may find that their children become increasingly resistant to having heart-to-heart talks. The children may feel awkward, or perhaps the family relationships have not been very close since childhood. Dr. Wong Chung Hin, a specialist in psychiatry, points out, “It is crucial for parents to establish a good parent-child relationship from an early age. If parents suspect emotional issues in their children, in addition to observing changes in their behavior, they can guide their children to express their thoughts and understand their inner world.”

As mentioned earlier, parents and children should establish a parent-child relationship from a young age, setting aside time each day for parent-child communication and engaging in interesting family activities together. Dr. Wong emphasizes, “A close parent-child relationship helps children express themselves to their parents. Even as they grow older, they will be more willing to express themselves and have trust in their family.”

However, if a child is unwilling to reveal their thoughts and parents notice changes in their behavior (refer to: https://www.parentsdaily.com.hk/expert/4073), Dr. Wong advises parents to patiently guide their children to express their inner feelings. “When children express their thoughts, parents should listen patiently and provide them with the opportunity to express themselves. Establish a daily parent-child chatting time, allowing children to have a channel to express themselves at home. Parents should remember that once children mention symptoms related to emotional issues, parents should not criticize or constantly deny their children.”

Dr. Wong continues, “Everyone has their own thoughts and perspectives, and parents are no exception. I once had a parent tell me that their child refused to go to school and do homework, and their emotions would spiral out of control every time they were urged to go to school. However, when the child stayed home to play video games, they seemed very happy, leading the parent to think the child was just lazy and ‘pretending.’ However, parents should carefully understand the reasons behind the child’s reluctance to go to school and not dismiss any emotional issues the child may have, to avoid missing crucial moments for addressing emotional problems.” If, after parental guidance, the child still refuses to discuss their situation, parents can contact the school to learn about the child’s situation at school.

Dr. Wong recalls a case involving a high school student: “This student suddenly called the clinic one day and asked if it was necessary for parents to accompany him. Later, the student came for a consultation with friends, revealing that he had a poor relationship with his family. After sharing with friends, they suggested seeking professional advice. During the treatment process, I slowly built a good doctor-patient relationship with him, gained his trust, and hoped to help rebuild his relationship with his family.” Dr. Wong laments that not every case receives family support, so the role of schools is crucial. When young people encounter emotional or stress-related issues and cannot confide in their families, they can seek assistance from trusted adults.

In light of the recent increase in suicide tragedies, Dr. Wong advises parents to understand that a child’s holistic development involves more than just academic achievements; it also includes mental health. Dr. Wong understands that a child’s stress often comes from academic and family expectations. “Whether students or parents, I hope everyone can equip themselves well in stressful environments. Equipping oneself does not necessarily mean extra tutoring but taking good care of one’s mental health and achieving balance in life. Parents and schools should also teach students about the importance of mental health and promote the holistic growth of students’ physical and mental well-being.”

Powered-by-PD
Back

Storytelling education, what can parents do?

Written by: Senior Early Childhood Education Consultant, Miss Mok Loi Yan

Many parents have asked me about storytelling topics that are challenging to explain to young children, such as stories involving death, like “The Little Match Girl,” or stories with violence, like “Little Red Riding Hood.” Due to the detailed depiction of events in the storybooks and lifelike illustrations, children may experience significant fear of death after listening to or reading such stories. They might be unable to express their inner discomfort, and some children even burst into tears after hearing these stories. What was originally meant to be an enjoyable parent-child storytelling time ends up having the opposite effect, triggering a heavy psychological burden on the children and leaving parents feeling guilty and unsure of how to handle the aftermath.

Fewer Characters, Positive Plot

I advise parents to start by selecting stories that are deemed suitable for a child’s mental and comprehension level from the vast array available in libraries. These stories typically have fewer characters, and a positive plot, and are easy for parents to use during interactive storytelling to help children understand causality and emotions. Stories with fewer characters allow children to focus more on understanding the transformation of the characters’ inner selves, behavior, and values within the story context.

Choosing stories with a positive plot helps build qualities such as self-awareness, problem-solving skills, confidence, and analytical ability in children. These positive aspects counterbalance stories with negative themes, bad situations in stories, or the ability to face difficulties in reality. Therefore, unless parents are certain that their children have accumulated a sufficient foundation of resilience from such stories and mental experiences, they should avoid exposing children to stories with terrifying or negative themes until these prerequisites are met.

Inspiring Cognitive Growth and Positive Character Principles

 

Secondly, starting with the educational significance that stories bring to children, it is crucial to steadfastly adhere to the principles of inspiring children’s cognitive growth and fostering positive character development! Regardless of how convincingly the storyteller portrays evil and villains, don’t forget the original intention! Storytelling education is a process of interactive learning between the audience and the storyteller, stemming from the direct description of scenes, associated information, and the shared underlying meaning. These observations, descriptions, awareness, and interactive content arise from the mental and emotional states of the audience and storyteller at that moment, as well as their accumulated personal experiences.

The role of the storyteller in education is highly important. In addition to carefully preparing and reading the story content, emphasizing key points and conveying the underlying meaning clearly, the storyteller should also be prepared to trigger children’s thinking about people and events at certain points in the story. Providing opportunities for the exchange of values in description and atmosphere creation is essential. Most importantly, observe the audience’s reactions while listening to the story and engage in interactive parts that deepen thought and sustain curiosity.

 

Dramatization and interaction should be humanized

 

Thirdly, ensure that the dramatization and interaction by the storyteller have the invigorating effect of being humanized and appealing to innate goodness. Whether in stories or the real world, children face different psychological and situational challenges that provide them with important opportunities for development. These experiences make them happier and more resilient than children who grow up in a sheltered environment. As the guiding light for children, we should equip them with the abilities needed for their journeys in life. Therefore, gradually tailor stories to children’s life experiences and cognitive levels, providing narratives of different levels, encounters, or aspects of human nature for them to hear.

When the storyteller portrays negative characters or delves into psychological crossroads and choices involving human nature, it is even more crucial to vividly depict the inner dialogue of conscience. The storyteller, assuming a narrative role, should provide children with positive consequences as a reference and analyze the relationships between themselves, characters, and situations. When parents engage in storytelling education with children, any decisions made in response to presented scenarios must be voluntary. Allowing children to experiment, face challenges, or find solace in the virtual world is essential. Moreover, it is important to make children aware of the parents’ stance and understand that parents are open to discussion and can be approached for communication! If the interactions spark reflective thoughts on love in children, helping them find their position in these values, the storyteller has successfully illuminated an outstanding life for the child through the story.

Powered-by-PD
Back

The reasons behind every child’s behavior

Written by: Child Psychological Development Association, Psychological Counselor, Mr. Ching Wai Keung

We all know that different parenting methods have a significant impact on a child’s physical, emotional, and intellectual development. However, in this article, I do not intend to share expert theories but rather recount an incident I witnessed firsthand.

Case Sharing: Witnessing the Use of Aggressive Parenting

Once, while working in Beijing, I observed several mothers with their children waiting outside a shopping mall for it to open. Among them, a little girl (referred to as A, approximately 3 years old) stood out as notably aggressive. When other children entered her “territory,” she would unhesitatingly launch attacks. Before long, A slapped another child, B (around 3 years old), who immediately burst into tears. From my observation, the pain wasn’t the primary cause; B cried due to the sudden shock.

B’s mother hurriedly approached to console him, but even after almost 30 seconds, B continued crying. Surprisingly, his mother brought him in front of A, held B’s hand, and instructed him to “hit her back.” B refused, clinging to his mother, who repeatedly urged him to retaliate. She forcibly held his small hand, demonstrating the action of an attack, insisting more than ten times. However, the little boy grew even more frightened, withdrawing his hand and cowering against his mother.

On the other side, A’s mother held a few months old infant in one hand and restrained A with the other. She scolded and sometimes even hit her daughter. The more the mother struck, the more A resisted, launching attacks on nearby children, creating a chaotic scene.

We should patiently understand the reasons behind a child’s behavior.

This has led me to a lot of reflection: we tend to focus on improving the visible behavior and overlook the underlying reasons.

The child who was slapped needed a sense of security the most at that moment, not a retaliatory response. However, it seems that the mother either did not provide this or provided it inadequately. When the child calmed down, the mother proceeded to explain that hitting others was unacceptable behavior and attempted to explain why the other child might have attacked.

As for the little girl who launched the attacks, even though the infant might not have been her brother (possibly a child her mother was caring for), at her age, she would still experience jealousy. She seemed to lack a sense of security, vigorously defending her “territory.” When her mother punished her for her actions, she felt even more unloved, leading to increasingly intense behaviors and creating a vicious cycle.

Many times, a child’s behavior can be infuriating, but before taking corrective action, have we sincerely tried to understand the reasons behind the child’s actions?

Powered-by-PD
Back

How to cultivate a positive learning attitude in young children from an early age?

Source: Dr. LAU Yee-hung, Associate Professor and Deputy Head, Department of Early Childhood Education, The Hong Kong Institute of Education

Many parents hope that their children will develop a love for learning from a young age. However, children don’t automatically develop a liking for learning; it requires parents to gradually nurture them, bit by bit.

Encouraging Children in Interactions

Children won’t initially learn to persevere on their own. It’s the parents’ responsibility to encourage them to persist in the process, instilling in them an anticipation of success. When a child succeeds, parents can review the past with them, allowing the child to feel the valuable outcomes achieved through perseverance and encouraging them to continue exhibiting positive behavior.

Providing Intrinsic Motivation

Often, children need some motivation to excel in certain tasks. Parents should emphasize what the child gains without making comparisons, such as satisfying their sense of achievement, enjoying the process of effort, and receiving appreciation from parents. This helps children experience the joy of learning and establishes intrinsic motivation, enabling them to engage in learning activities willingly from the heart.

Parents set a good example

Learning knows no age limits, and parents can demonstrate proactive learning and curiosity in front of their children. For instance, parents can learn to cook new dishes online, expressing to their children that, even if they don’t understand initially, they persevere and learn from various sources. Even if the outcome isn’t delicious, they commit to improving next time. Allowing children to see their parents’ initiative and curiosity in learning through real examples is much more effective than mere verbal instruction.

There are no children who don’t love learning; there are only parents who don’t know how to teach their children to learn. A love for learning is inherent in children. Correctly instilling a positive learning attitude in children, can only be achieved through the parents’ persistence and continuous efforts, reinforcing the child’s motivation for learning through various everyday experiences.

 

Powered-by-PD
Back